Today I was finishing up an Apple Fitness workout and heard one of the yoga instructors say, “You speak to yourself more than you speak to anyone else, be kind.” As someone who prioritizes mental health, this struck a chord. And could also be helpful to remind my clients.

Clients commonly tell me they were “bad” and sometimes they feel like they “blew it” so it didn’t matter what they ate after that. Sometimes the report is more positive, and they report they were “good” having eaten such foods as a salad or grain bowl (that they may or may not have wanted or enjoyed). They ask are certain foods “bad?”

I get where this is coming from. Before I returned to school to be a dietitian, I had the same thoughts and questions. Once I started learning more about nutrition and food science, I came to realize these attitudes were not helpful. All foods have some nutritional value and use. Even potato chips provide calories and carbs, which are useful in their own way. It’s a “sometimes food” for sure, but not a moral judgement. And don’t forget that food can be a source of pleasure and eating tasty food should be enjoyable.

Speaking of judgement, clients sometimes expect me to join in on this good vs bad food dichotomy. Nope, nope, nope. At least, I try my best to not speak in those terms. Sometimes I slip and say something like “that bread is bad because it only has 1 g fiber per slice.” I usually hear my mistake and correct the statement. What I should have said the first time was, “This bread contains 1g of fiber per slice, whereas this other option contains 3g fiber per slice and fiber goal can be reached a bit easier using the second option if you enjoy the taste.” Because that’s exactly what I meant. And honestly, I think you’d find that with any dietitian.

My advice is try to change the self-talk about what was eaten, how much of it should have been eaten, and whether you are a bad person or some other adjective/simile for eating it. The all or nothing approach to self-talk and eating is more harmful than eating foods deemed “bad.” It may be helpful to practice some helpful phrases so when things get contentious in your head, there’s already some muscle memory to help the situation. If you need help, here are some suggestions to practice:

• I ate this food. There may have been options that align more with my nutrition goals. I will look at those options closer next time I am hungry.
• I enjoyed this “sometimes” food and can eat something different next time.
• In the grand scheme of things, foods chosen are largely in line with my nutrition goals and I’m not going to make a big deal about this.

If practicing positive self-talk isn’t your thing, remember these guidelines:

• Choose different terminology when talking about food and consumption of food. Normalize referring to foods as different, congruent with health goals, or some other term that avoids assigning morality to the situation.
• Realize you can always change your mind and choose to eat something else. There is no schedule for choosing a different food that can positively impact health. For example, once you eat a sometimes food at a party, don’t wait until tomorrow or Monday. Nothing is blown. Balance is the name of the long game.
• Avoid the belief of deserving food. From a physiological standpoint, food will impact your health, positively or negatively. But it is not a reward and calories don’t need to be earned via physical activity or otherwise. This can lead people further from their goals by making them feel negatively about their eating habits and ultimately consuming more discretionary calories.
• Recognizing that certain foods were consumed is ok. If we don’t recognize what we eat, we are unable to choose other foods that would have a positive impact on our health more often. Belaboring that “sometimes” foods were eaten as a problem is not helpful at all.

So, be kind in your assessments, give grace to yourself when needed, recognize possible improvements, and don’t assign morality to consumption of food or the food itself. Destigmatizing food is step one on the path to balance and a kinder inner dialogue.